Intimacy After My Cancer Diagnosis

What doctors don’t tell you

I have written about intimacy with my husband after cervical cancer before, so here I am doing it again.  My husband still feels uncomfortable about me talking about our sex life and he rather not read anything I write about this topic.  Today, we have a healthy sex life which has improved even more since I have lost some weight. I guess because I feel lighter and sexier these days, but it took a long while to get us to this point. The key word here is patience.

There was no intimacy after my cancer treatments even when the doctor said it was OK to have sex. It took my husband and I awhile to reconnect. We were both afraid, anxious and worried to even try. We first had to open communication and start slow. The doctors do not give you a manual as to how to go about these things.

The vagina is a muscle that sometimes shrinks or become narrower (vaginal atrophy) from radiation treatments, but it can stretch back out. I had to use vaginal dilators for a while to help my vagina stretch back out otherwise penetration became uncomfortable. Many times vaginal atrophy can also lead to dryness and painful sex so the use of lubrication can also be used to help ease penetration so that it is not painful.

Me and the love of my life, my husband Freddie

My husband was loving and patient. It took us time and consistency to achieve a “new normal.” Together we embarked on a journey to explore each others’ bodies all over again in a gentler way. We became more in tune with each other and we were able to reach a place that resulted in a more pleasurable way to enjoy each other. Don’t get me wrong, it did not happened overnight, it took patience, communication, consistency and love from one another to reach that good place.

Having an open communication with your partner is very important. Life is not the same after cancer in many aspects, and you and your partner have to find what works for both of you. There is no manual to follow and I am just giving you a point of reference from my own experience, but I’m here to let you know that you can find a way back and many times to even a better place.

Unfortunately, statistics show us that divorce is high among cervical cancer and testicular cancer survivors due to obvious reasons, but again the key here is lots of patience and love. I consider myself very lucky to have a guy that had patience and was willing to work with me at my own pace and we both found a better place. We enjoy and appreciate our intimacy much more now than before.

 Sexual love is undoubtedly one of the chief things in life, and the union of mental and bodily satisfaction in the enjoyment of love is one of its culminating peaks. ~ Sigmund Freud

For more information check out the following links:
Your Sex Life and Cervical Cancer
Cervical Cancer, Relationship and Divorce